


Finding the Balance

by Amberlioness



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M, Mating Bond, Romance, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 09:44:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11010885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amberlioness/pseuds/Amberlioness
Summary: Events following ‘Bound’, leading up to ‘Demons’.  Trip and T’Pol begin to explore what their bond means and how it affects them.  Follows “Beginning in Earnest”.  I’ve tried to keep as close to canon as possible, while filling in events and back story as the muse commands.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: All events prior to ‘Bound’, and some foreshadowing of ‘Demons’.
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount, I’m just borrowing them for a time. I derive no financial gain from this endeavor. It’s just been great fun. 
> 
> Thank you Jamelia for the beta read! Thanks to Memory Alpha and the Trip/T’Polers Shipper site for references. And, thanks to my own chief engineer for inspiration.

Commander Charles Tucker was back on Enterprise, his transfer back approved, filed with Starfleet, and, he thought, permanent. He had a sense he really did belong here, like he couldn’t work or live or be anywhere else. Captain Archer had asked him and Commander T’Pol to have dinner in the Captain's mess with him this evening, Trip’s first day back. While the chef on Columbia was first rate, Trip had missed the food on Enterprise. He’d missed these dinners too. Everything seemed to be falling back into place. The Captain made all the appropriate dinner conversation, and a few jokes as well. T’Pol even made a few wry observations of her own. She was not the same, Trip observed, since she’d been in The Forge on Vulcan with the Captain. She was more settled, and seemed to have an ease and confidence that she had not had before. She was not stiff with an undercurrent of mistrust and hostility, the way she had been when they first met, nor was she maintaining a thin veneer of control the way she had been much of the time in the Expanse. This woman had a strong presence and a grace that made her even more attractive than she had been. And she wanted him back. She’d said so. He’d had to push her to do it, but she had said it, and clarified her meaning by kissing him thoroughly in the corridor. 

After dinner, the steward brought in a dessert, pecan pie. T’Pol had apparently made the request of Chef. Trip said, “Thank you, I appreciate it. I missed this,” he said, meaning more than just the pie. 

As they finished, Archer began, “Admiral Gardner had very good things to say about you, Trip. You did a fine job commanding Enterprise.”

“Well, thank you, Cap’n. But that chair’s all yours.” Trip had done only what the thought Archer would do, the right thing, the thing that had to be done. But he hadn’t felt one bit like he knew what he was doing. He almost hadn’t been able to sit in that chair while he was on the bridge. “Let me know if you ever want me to add that cup-holder though,” he finished with a good-natured smile. 

Archer and Trip laughed, and even T’Pol smiled at that. “No, thanks. It’s perfect the way it is. I am glad you’re back on Enterprise. How long until we’re ready to get underway?”

“That’s going to take a few days,” Trip replied, “there’s a bit more damage to repair, and a few systems that could use a little optimization.” 

“That’s fine, we need a little less excitement for a while. It’s going to take at least two weeks to make our way back to Earth for this conference.” With the change in government, the Vulcans had unexpectedly made overtures to Andorians, Tellurites, Rigelians, Denobulans, and other worlds, calling for discussion of a coalition of planets, and suggested that this conference be held on Earth. It was completely unprecedented, and as the flagship of Starfleet, Enterprise and her crew were expected to attend. 

While the prospect of what could be accomplished at this conference made Archer optimistic for the first time in a long time, he was particularity interested in the change of government on Vulcan. This could be an opportunity for Earth and Vulcan to begin again, wipe the slate clean and build an entirely new and possibly stronger relationship. He hoped this time as equals, not the overprotective parent/child dynamic that had played out since First Contact.

“T’Pol, have you received any new communications from Vulcan?” 

“No. However, there is a meeting of the new regional governors this week, which may bring some decisions.”

“I have a feeling that it’s going to take some time for Vulcan to find its new direction.” He looked directly at T’Pol as he said this, his comment seeming to be more for her than in reference to her home world. Archer found that he couldn’t help making this sort of observation more often than he had before, especially in relation to all things Vulcan. Having an 1800-year-old Vulcan spiritual guru sharing space in his mind seemed to have left something behind. He hoped he could make good use of his experience hosting Sarak’s katra. 

“I did want to have a more serious discussion with the two of you,” Archer began. “You two are my senior staff, and I have never had better. T’Pol, you are a brilliant Science Officer, and I feel comfortable leaving Enterprise in your hands when needed. You’ve been our bridge to Vulcan, and have been a vital part of our exploration of the quadrant. Now that you’re part of Starfleet, I expect that you will continue to be a vital part of Enterprise.” 

“Thank you, Captain,” T’Pol said, “I appreciate your confidence.”

He turned to Tucker, “Trip, you are the best engineer in Starfleet, no doubt about that. And you’re someone I can trust when things get tough, someone who will do his damnedest to do the right thing.” 

“Thanks, I’ll keep tryin’ to do just that,” Trip replied. 

Looking back at both of them, “The two of you work well together too. You manage to get the theory into practice and make it work, which I know is no small feat.” Trip and T’Pol exchanged glances, they heard a ‘but’ coming, despite the sincere expression on Archer’s face. 

“But, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give some advice, provide some constructive feedback if you will.” Archer’s expression got more serious, “Trip, I can’t afford to have my Chief Engineer walking around like a zombie from insomnia, so get some sleep, no matter how you have to do it. The Vulcan neuro-pressure seemed to work before, so you two do that if it helps.” 

“Sure, Captain, will do,” Trip replied. 

Archer continued, “I also talked to Capitan Hernandez.” 

“Yes?” asked Trip, unable to keep the uncertainty out of his voice.

Archer thought, ‘Erika tells me that you’re a brilliant engineer, but a you’ve got real unfinished business, and it’s affecting your work.’ “Yes, and she tells me that you drove your staff over there pretty hard. A few asked for transfers after just a few days.” 

“Well, there was so much to do to get Columbia up to snuff,” Trip said with a touch of defensiveness. 

“Trip, I also do not need to have my Chief Engineer subject to mood swings that result in stellar engine performance, but miserable work crews, or have him moping around like his dog just died. All of which even I’ve seen myself here.” 

“Cap’n,” Trip began, having no idea what explanation he could possibly give.

Archer cut him off, “No, let me finish.” He turned his attention to the other officer in the room. “T’Pol, I can’t have my first officer being so reclusive she can’t efficiently deal with personnel issues, and so aloof and unapproachable that no one wants to bring them up. All because she’s avoiding something, or someone. I suspect that's another reason why I wasn’t hearing about how hard you could be on your staff on Enterprise, Trip.” 

“So, T’Pol, much as you may dislike it, as uncomfortable is it may be for you, as a First Officer on a Starfleet vessel, you need to be available to the crew to solve internal problems, not just through logic, or intellect, but you’re going to need to use some emotional intelligence. I know this is a challenge, but this is the job. Put down your Kir’Shara now and then, and embrace the messages within it.” He paused and looked at both of them, “Am I clear, both of you?” 

“Yes, Captain,” each said in turn. Neither one of them had been dressed down like this in some time. 

He went on, “now, I don’t know exactly what has been, or is currently going on between you two, and, as your CO, I’m not asking.” Archer stopped and gave them both a direct look that said, ‘I’m not asking, but I have a damn good idea.’ "I’m not even sure the two of you even know, and it seems to be at the heart of these issues with each of you. It’s also clear that you two accomplish much more together than separately. Remarkable, actually.” 

Trip and T’Pol exchanged guilty glances. 

“For a variety of reasons, the Vulcans and Starfleet both want you, T’Pol, to remain on Enterprise. We’ve made great progress on our working relations with the new government and Starfleet. As a nascent diplomat, I have to agree.” Archer thought, ‘a good relationship between these two might go a long way in encouraging inter-planetary cooperation.’ “I am also not well disposed to approving another transfer for you, Trip, so that option is off the table.” 

“So, Trip, T’Pol...whatever’s going on between you, pardon the expression, but fight it out, fuck it out, whatever it takes, but fix it. That is an order. Are we clear?” 

Trip and T’Pol were taken aback. This was not at all what they expected from a ‘pep talk’ from their captain. 

Trip could think of nothing to say but, “Yes, Captain,” as he began to color from the neck up. 

T’Pol managed a stiff, “Yes, sir,” her own color intensifying. 

“Good, we understand each other,” Archer finished. He then he turned and retrieved three glasses and a bottle of bourbon from the side table. He poured three glasses and gave them to Trip and T’Pol, indicating they drink. T’Pol sipped and Trip gratefully threw it back, as did Archer. “Now…I’ve known you, Trip, for a long time, and T’Pol not as long, but I think I call you both friends. And, speaking as your friend, I’m glad you’re both back here. Really,” he said giving them a smile. “But you need to be back and make this work one way or another.” He went on, “As you’re the same rank, there isn’t a specific prohibition on a non-professional relationship. And, given the nature of Starfleet missions going forward, there is going to have to be flexibility on fraternization policies,” he paused a moment to let that sink in for them, and continued, “now, should a change of legal status be imminent, that we’ll have to assess.” Trip was startled, and T’Pol visibly stiffened, both realizing that the Captain meant they would have to assess the situation if they wanted to be married. Archer poured Trip and himself another, and they threw those back too. “Bottom line is, you two are better together. How that plays out, is up to you. But, no matter how, I want to be able to count you both as friends and crew.” 

Trip was able to get out, “thanks, Jon. That’s a lot to digest. But I appreciate the honesty.” 

“As do I,” T’Pol said. Both were working to recover the calm and convivial demeanor they’d had just minutes before this pointed discussion had begun. 

Archer topped off T’Pol’s drink and poured one more for himself and Trip. They finished their drinks, and the Captain bid them a good night, effectively dismissing them. As T’Pol and Trip left the Captain’s mess, in his mind, Archer heard an echo of Sarek, ‘infinite diversity in infinite combinations. I hardly envisioned those two when that truth was revealed to me, but it is the next logical step, is it not?’ Archer couldn’t help himself, he chuckled and said out loud, “I’m not sure logical is the right word.”


	2. Chapter 2

After the door closed, Trip whistled softly. T’Pol raised her eyebrows at him, but they neither said anything. They began walking back toward crew quarters, both taking the left corridor at the junction that would lead to her quarters, with his being down toward the right. Trip felt his pulse racing. Everything he’d just heard was rushing around his head. T’Pol felt her control slipping. She was being flooded with emotion and could not stop it.

As they approached her quarters, she stopped and an intense look passed between them. She opened the door and they both entered. As the door closed, T’Pol turned to face Trip as he moved in close, kissing her roughly and pushing her up against the wall. She could taste the alcohol on him as he plunged his tongue into her mouth. She was not surprised by his actions. She had sensed his intent moments before, and felt her own need rising and reciprocated. He started unzipping her skin-tight uniform, wanting her out of it as soon as was possible. He thought, ‘I love how her ass looks in these, but this is damn inconvenient.’ She was simultaneously trying to undress him, and their hands were everywhere. She managed to get herself undressed, as he got his jumpsuit unzipped and shirt off. He considered his boots, and then decided there was no time or need for that. He slid the jumpsuit and briefs down his hips. He was very erect and right now very single-minded about what he wanted, what he needed. Trip lifted her up, holding her by the hips with her back against the wall, and with no delay penetrated her. T’Pol gasped, grabbing his shoulders and wrapping her legs around him. He began thrusting into her, hard. His mind was unfocused, it wasn’t alcohol though, he’d had nowhere near enough. It was a complete emotional overload that had to be expressed, and this was how his body had to have it. He did think briefly that this was much more sexually aggressive than he’d ever been, and with a different woman this would have crossed a line, but that if T’Pol didn’t want to do this she could nerve pinch him and render him unconscious. 

And then he thought, or heard, ‘I consent, I submit’. 

And his thoughts formed with every thrust into her….

T’Pol…you…

you broke my heart….

you lied to me…

you push me away…

I’m angry with you….

you won’t leave me alone…

you...I love you…

I still love you…

And he heard or sensed or he wasn’t sure what it was, but it was her…

Trip.…

I did...I did...

I’m sorry….

you pushed me away…

you left me…

I’m angry with you…

you lied to me…

you invade my thoughts….

I love you…

I still love you….

Trip found himself groaning loudly as he got close to a climax, maintaining a very vigorous pace. Anyone in the hallway would definitely have heard them. T’Pol finished as he did, crying out loudly herself. And Trip thought, or was it heard, ‘...much more Vulcan...very to the point.’

They were breathing hard, leaning heavily against the wall. Trip asked, “You ok?” 

“Yes,” she answered, nuzzling into his neck. 

“T’Pol, we need to talk. Let me go get changed and I’ll be back?” 

She nodded. “Put me down.” He withdrew and put her down. He got his clothes back together, and headed out, looking at her with an almost embarrassed smile as the door closed.


	3. Chapter 3

He made it back to his quarters, stripped down and got into the shower. His mind was reeling. Jon had let him have it, both of them. And he’d been right on target, every word. ‘How does he do that,’ Trip mused. ‘Tell you that you’ve been a fucking idiot, and you not only thank him, but you respect the guy for doing it? Wonder if they teach some advanced Starfleet course in it.’ And then, how he’d just...oh god...what had he done with T’Pol? That wasn’t really him, he prided himself on being a gentleman with women. Pinning her against the wall and taking her like that was the complete opposite. What had been going through his mind during the act? Every emotion he’d felt for her, toward her, about her, for years. He swore he had been almost hearing her voice, even though she wasn’t speaking, only panting in his ear. He had thought he heard her saying she loved him, that she still loved him over and over. Jon was right, he and T’Pol had to sort this out. He finished getting dressed, this time in exercise clothes, and headed back to her quarters.

“Come in”, T’Pol said as the door chimed. Trip stepped inside. 

“T’Pol, I’m sorry. Really, that...shouldn’t have happened, not like that. I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

She had changed into those familiar blue silky pajamas, and her hair was damp from her shower. “Trip, please, sit,” she said, her eyes showing concern and compassion. She was pouring him a cup of tea, like this was a friendly visit. “Drink. It will help calm you.” 

“Thank you,” he drank the tea and it did have the effect she said it would. 

“There is no need to apologize. We did what we both wanted, what we both needed at that moment.” Trip was confused. “What you felt was not just your own desires, but mine as well. We were both caught off guard by the Captain’s insights, and we reacted. If we had not been in such proximity, we would probably have gone back to our respective quarters. I would have needed some intense meditation, and you...would have gone to work out, or found another way to excise the tension.” 

Trip was feeling less uncomfortable, but was still confused. “Proximity? This is about this bond, isn’t it,” he said gesturing to his forehead. He’d been right to be worried, he thought. Remembering what she’d said about it in Engineering, “was I hearing your thoughts, what you felt?” 

“Yes, and I sensed yours as well,” she said reaching out to touch his arm. “You did not hurt me. As you were thinking, I could have incapacitated you if necessary,” she said with a hint of a smile, “although that would have been...counterproductive.” She had a soft and open expression, and was not hurt or angry. He inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. 

He sat with his knees drawn up and crossed elbows. “I think you better start explaining what’s goin’ on here,” again gesturing toward his forehead. She didn’t need to have this bond to see his concern, how he was shaken by what was now happening. She’d had the luxury of some weeks of understanding and meditation on the matter, which she believed was fair. She needed to understand enough to help him with what was to come.

“Drink your tea,” she directed. “You recall when we encountered those heretical Vulcans?

“Those without logic.” Trip nodded, complying with her direction to drink. 

“I was intrigued by their message, enough to explore some of their meditation techniques while they were here. I was even was willing to attempt a mind-meld, to increase my ability to access emotions.” Trip thought, ‘oh no, not this again.’ “It was incomplete, and poorly executed.” T’Pol decided to omit exactly how unwelcome the experience had been, as it might only make him more uncomfortable just now. She paused, “you may recall, I was not well afterward.” He did, and now her time in the infirmary made more sense. “The neurological damage from that meld was the cause. The effects stayed with me, as a condition known as Pa’nar syndrome. Dr. Phlox helped me manage the progression of the condition, so that it had little effect on my emotional control. Pa’nar syndrome has carried significant stigma among Vulcans, as mind melds were not a tolerated practice. It was thought to be communicable by meld, so I believed I should not ever meld with anyone for that reason alone.” 

“I saw Soval perform a meld on the unconscious security guard to get the identity of the embassy bomber.” It had seemed nothing short of miraculous and creepy at the same time, watching the meld. “Did you know that it was him, Soval, who did the meld? I thought it was strange for a practice that was ‘not tolerated’.” 

“I was not aware. It seems that there were many policies the High Command promulgated that were flawed.”

“You really haven’t had the best luck with this sort of thing, have you?” Trip said, “the pursuit of emotional experiences, I mean. I get that Vulcan emotion is very strong, and you work so hard to control it, because you have to. Otherwise you, and your whole culture would just fall to pieces. So, why do you keep going down this path, T’Pol?”

She considered what he’d said, and objectively realized she should have expected this observation. Long hours of meditation and introspection hadn’t yet given her clear answers to that very question. She was struggling to accept her desire, her unyielding need, to experience emotion. In particular, her need to experience love, even if it was completely illogical. “You are correct, and despite a great deal of consideration I do not have a good answer. But there are some things, some pursuits in particular that I would not change.” Trip knew this time that the warm feeling in his chest was coming from her, and it was genuine affection. 

“So, what does this mean to this bond…? Why is this happening now?”

She continued, “while I was on Vulcan, T’Pau offered to meld with me, to share memories of my mother, so I might understand why she had joined the Syrrannites. I declined and told her of my condition. She informed me that it could be cured by one very experienced in mind melding, as she is. I allowed her to meld with me and to, in effect, heal me. It was a very profound experience.” She sipped her tea, needing a moment as the intensity of the experience came back to her. She had not been able to keep any secrets from T’Pau; not her questioning of Vulcan traditions, her use of Trellium-D to access emotion, the forced mind meld, not her mating and the resulting bond with a human, her inexplicable but very real love for Trip, and in counterpoint her coerced marriage to Koss. 

T’Pau had told her, ‘you have been in such pursuit of what you are, all the while running from it. You need to stop and allow life, to allow reality, to flow around you. Do not fight it. Embrace what you are, and what you have.’ 

T’Pol continued, “Dr. Phlox has confirmed that the neurological damage has been completely repaired.”

“This is good news, right?” 

“Very,” she said with a subdued expression, but one of happiness. 

“Were you able to see those memories of your mother?” 

“I was, and they were informative, but provided a great deal of, closure, as you would say. Not that her loss is not still, painful.” 

Now Trip felt the need to take her in his arms and just hold her. Loss, that he understood. He felt relief knowing she had really been hurting after the loss of her mother. He hadn’t believed that she was ‘fine’ through all of it. He moved to her side, and put his arms around her, asking, “is this ok?” as he did. And he felt, more than heard, “yes”. He held her a moment, but remained close, and then asked, “there’s something else isn’t there?” 

“While T’Pau and I melded, she saw that there was what Vulcans call a mating bond that had formed, but was unable to develop due to the damage of the Pa’nar syndrome. With the damage repaired, the bond could truly begin to manifest.” She looked into his eyes, and as she had so rarely ever been with Trip, was completely forthcoming. “That is why you and I are experiencing this bond now, when we did not before.” 

“I think I’m missing something,” he said, “we did a lot of things, but ‘mate’ is not how I’d put it,” with a trace of agitation. 

T’Pol sat across from him and took his hands. This was seeming difficult for her to work out. “Among Vulcans, you know that marriages are most often arranged, and that often there is no connection between those being married.” Trip had a very painful flashback to T’Pol’s wedding, and he saw a look of distress on her face as she felt that pain reverberate through the bond. “I am sorry,” she said, and she meant it,” but it is part of the explanation. What is intended to happen is that the couple will enter into a sexual relationship, and the belief is that along with a growing emotional connection, this produces a true mating bond, which is far more than a contractual marriage alone. Experiencing the Pon farr together can also bring this bond about as well. That is what is meant when Vulcans refer to taking a mate. It is the hope of attaining this bond, as well as the partnership of marriage.” 

Trip said, “oh my god...is that what you’re saying happened with us?” He’d had more than his share of shocks and surprises today. ‘What’s one more,’ he thought. “How? I’m not Vulcan.” 

“I am unsure; however, my theory is that you have some level of latent telepathic ability.” Trip remembered the box of pebbles with Aleyn, and thought T’Pol might be right on that one. “With you, I experienced a very, significant, amount of sexual energy,” she said in a quieter tone. “I think we both did, and this may have initiated the bond between us. We also,” she paused, “already had an emotional connection. We had all of the needed components, even if we were not fully aware that we did.”

“You have got to be kidding me. For how long…?” 

From T’Pau’s examination, approximately one year. It would have been the first time we were, intimate, that it began.” 

Trip began to laugh, and then said, “so, we are de facto married, and have been for about a year, and didn’t know it.” 

“One could describe it that way, yes.” 

“Wow. My parents would be floored.” 

“Because I’m Vulcan,” she asked with trepidation in her tone. 

“No,” he paused a little uncertain, “because they’ve been together for 40 years, but, well, they never formally married. They didn’t believe in marriage as a ‘legal institution’. They’re, free thinkers, ya’ might say, with a unique perspective. It’s just…ironic.” There were a number of opinions his parents held that he disagreed with, and this happened to be one of them.

He continued, “T’Pol, you’re going to have to tell me how this works now, the daydreams, an’ I assume the night dreams too,” he said with a penetrating look. He hadn’t had erotic dreams with this intensity and frequency since he was a teenager. It had been damn distracting. Given they all featured T’Pol, they were utterly heartbreaking in the morning. “And the, how do I describe it...surge of emotions, like earlier, and these things I’ve been hearing in my mind. I mean, I thought I was losing it. It’s been kinda scary.”

She was drawing on her experience in controlling her emotions and keeping centered, as she could feel how discomforted he was, and it was spilling over, now threatening to undermine her control. She had to help him understand, and calm his fears. She’d been surprised, but not unhappy finding out from T’Pau there was a mating bond that had formed, and she had been certain it was with Trip. “I believe the bond will be different for each of us. I was able to bring you into my meditation when you were in a distracted state. It appears we also can enter each other’s thoughts when we are not fully conscious, like in sleep. And we can share our emotions, at least when they are quite intense. We haven’t tried to do any of this consciously or deliberately. My knowledge is that we could, theoretically, share thoughts, images, and emotions. However, there is no record of a Vulcan and a Human bonding before, making it difficult to project how it will manifest.” 

Trip was reassured by her voice, and was calmed by her touch, as she went on, “I believe we will have to learn what is possible from experience. However, for you, I think that learning some meditative techniques would be of help in managing being, overwhelmed, like I believe happened earlier.” She also hoped that he could learn to keep his emotions from pouring into and overwhelming her.

“About that,” he said looking into her eyes, “I sensed, I guess that’s the right word, a whole lot of things from you.” As much as Trip had almost perversely enjoyed maneuvering her into specifically asking him to come back to Enterprise, knowing full well he had already transferred, he knew that this wasn’t the time for that kind of game, and opted to be as forthcoming as she had been, “I was trying to avoid you, going to Columbia. I should have tried harder to talk with you, work things through.” 

“I have done the same. I have avoided you, avoided this.” 

“I felt like you still loved me,” Trip said. 

T’Pol replied, “Yes. I felt the same from you.” 

“I did,” and thinking of the admonishment of his captain to fix things, he said, “I do. I’m not sure when it happened, but I didn’t realize it until you told me you were going to marry Koss.” There was a sadness in her face, “that is when I realized it as well.” ’Because never said what we felt,’ Trip thought, ‘we nearly lost each other completely,’ T’Pol finished. 

“It appears, we do have work to do,” T’Pol said. 

“Yeah, something we need to fix,” he nodded in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

She knelt next to him, putting her arms around him in a comforting way, holding him, and then stroking his back. He put his arms around her as well. “It sounds like we have a couple of uneventful weeks ahead of us getting back to earth,” Trip said. 

“Time we should use wisely,” T’Pol added. “Will you stay?” 

“If you want me to.” He absolutely did. There really is only so much intense emotional discussion of a relationship a Human man can take at one time, and evidently only so much a Vulcan woman can tolerate either. Trip suddenly got the vague feeling of resolution, and a shift to something else.

“Come lie down.” She moved to her bunk, getting comfortable and patting the space beside her. He lay down next to her and she moved in close and put her head on his shoulder. 

They hadn’t been like that since before they went to Vulcan, when they’d just decided to start a relationship. “So, we’re married,” Trip said, “and I never even got to ask ya.” 

“You were considering…?” she said softly. 

“The thought had crossed my mind, after we met the other Enterprise. Seemed to have worked for them,” he paused. “This isn’t ‘legal’ on Vulcan, is it?” 

“No, there has been no ceremony. I don’t know how it would be regarded.” They had joined hands and were absently stroking each other’s fingers. 

There was one question left on his mind, and he wanted to get this out in the open before anything else happened between them. “When were you going to tell me about this? Not just that there was a ‘bond’, but the rest of it,” he asked softly. She felt something from him, a lack of trust, not strong, but a question. She decided to be completely honest, which was difficult for her to do. 

“I wanted to confirm that the bond was not one sided,” she took a breath and continued, “I did ask you.” Trip thought back, recalling her cryptic questions about the quality of his sleep, and her refusal to explain what she really wanted to know. “When I knew you were affected by it, I planned to tell you when you were back on Enterprise, before we reached earth.” 

“What if I hadn’t put in for a transfer back?” he asked. She felt a coldness in her stomach, not originating from within. 

“A letter would not have been appropriate. If you had gone to ‘think about it’, I would have had to tell you, before you left for Columbia. Not to would have been unfair.” 

Something was still held back, he sensed that. ‘Why did she keep giving these mixed signals, or only part of the story. ‘Why couldn’t she share what she was thinking or feeling, ever?’ he thought. Trip suddenly felt a rush of emotion, deep affection, relief, happiness, followed by strong desire that soothed the lingering doubt about the woman in his arms. And he realized, she was sharing with him, but this way was far more eloquent than she had been with her words. “I think I’m getting the hang of this,” he closed his eyes for a moment, “it’s like you’re saying something, and I can’t quite hear it, but I know exactly what you mean.” 

“Yes,” she said, that’s similar to how I experience it. I am very glad you are here,” she said looking up at him and pressing herself close to him. 

“So am I,” he said moving in to kiss her. 

T’Pol knew what she wanted, and let it come to the surface, so he could feel it. Trip smiled broadly, “well now, that seems pretty clear to me,” he said out loud. He began lightly kissing her neck and then her ear, making her shiver. Their hands began to caress and explore each other, getting familiar with each other again, taking their time. Gradually, restrictive clothing was removed and they continued with purposeful caresses. They could feel each other’s excitement, not just by observing each other’s physical responses, but they could feel it through the bond. 

After a thorough exploration of her ears and neck, Trip had shifted his attention to her breasts, caressing them and then taking each nipple into his mouth, sucking and gently biting. T’Pol shivered with pleasure, he had not forgotten any subtlety of her body’s responses to his touch. He continued kissing down her flat stomach, sliding down so he could bury his head between her thighs. He began to pleasure her with his tongue and fingers, going slowly, drawing soft sighs and moans from her. She ran her fingers thorough his hair and lightly touched his ears. Even through her fog of pleasure, T’Pol got the distinct sense through the bond that he’d been wanting to do this, wanted to give her pleasure, wanted to control her body this way. Partially for her, but also for his own sense of accomplishment. This made little sense to her, and she wondered if this was a human inclination. At the moment, she didn’t fault his motivation, so long as he was here and clearly wanted to be with her. With that thought she lost her last bit of mental focus and climaxed with a deep shuddering exhalation. 

Trip moved back next to T’Pol, bringing her into his arms again and kissing her gently. “I missed seeing you like that,” he said. 

She was unsure of how to respond, but after a moment said, “I missed this intimacy with you as well.” She had missed all of her interactions with him, even the ordinary ones, and she was so pleased to have him here with her. With a urge to show him exactly how much she had also missed this intimacy, T’Pol slid her thigh over him, letting the rest of her body follow, settling over his hips. He smiled up at her, stroking her thighs, waiting for her to take the next step. She began to kiss his chest, giving his nipples attention similar to what he’d given hers, which made his breathing deepen. Continuing down his abs, she settled herself between his legs and brought her attention to his very erect member. She firmly stroked his penis, and then gently cupped him while taking his shaft into her mouth. He gasped audibly, and she felt a muddled mixture of appreciation and desire through the bond, which she took as appropriate. She continued to pleasure him with delicate flicks of her lounge followed by taking him deeply into her mouth and sucking gently, then harder. When she heard him panting and he began to thrust against her, she stopped. “Did you miss that?” she asked in a soft, but slightly self-satisfied tone. 

“You know I did….” he replied in a husky voice. 

T’Pol again straddled him, finally moving to take him inside, sighing as he filled her completely. Trip held her hips, letting her motions set their pace. He adjusted his movements to be sure he was making contact with that spot, the one that made her explode. They were both feeling the effects of the endorphins and adrenalines, which seemed to be magnified by the exchange of emotion and thoughts. Some were some indistinct, some were quite specific. She reached a climax, her whole body constricting, her internal muscles grasping him hard. And he felt it, not just her grasping him, but really feeling her climax. He thought for a second that it might push him over the edge, but it didn’t quite. In a moment, she took one more deep breath and leaned down for a kiss. “Did you feel that?” she asked softly, her tone expressing her surprise and wonder. 

Trip replied, “uh huh...” as he slowly regained focus. She’d been purposely very open, unsure of how much he’d sense during that experience. Evidently, it was quite pleasurable for him, she thought. 

“I don’t think we’re done yet,” he said. 

“No, we are not,” she replied, beginning her movements again, sighing softly. Now she continued with more strength, and began a slow internal deliberate caress of him. Her movements were effective, as it didn’t take long before he climaxed inside her. He then felt her following him. The combined direct sensations and the perceived, mirrored ones, were intense for both. T’Pol collapsed onto his chest and they both just tried to breathe. “Did you feel that? she asked. 

“As I nearly passed out...god yes.” He stroked her back, “you? Could you feel me?” 

Her eyes definitely smiled, and her lips shyly followed suit, “yes, I felt you...” 

After a moment, and a few deep breaths he asked her, “Darlin’, let me guess, the standard word ‘bond’ isn’t really a complete translation of the word in Vulcan, now is it?” 

She pushed herself up on her elbow, and replied, “No, there is no direct translation.” She looked questioningly at him, “how did you know?” 

“I just…had a feeling.”


	5. Chapter 5

Trip walked into sickbay and Dr. Phlox greeted him with enthusiasm, “Good Morning Commander. Commander T’Pol will be here shortly. We can begin then.” 

“What’s going on? You said you were doing some work on those Orion pheromones and needed to run more scans?” Trip asked. 

T’Pol arrived in sickbay. “Good Morning Commander T’Pol,” Phlox said in his upbeat tone. “As you may know, Captain Archer asked me to continue to research Commander Tucker’s resistance to the pheromones produced by the Orion women. I hope that I be able to synthesize a protective agent, should we encounter them again.” He went to his console and began to locate files, and to display data on the overhead screen. “The human endocrine system is simply fascinating; don’t you agree Commander?” he said addressing T’Pol. 

“Fascinating,” she replied in a tone that could be interpreted as either subtle sarcasm or reflective assent. Dr. Phlox appeared to take it as the latter.

“That work is still in the early stages, but I wanted to include Commander T’Pol in her capacity as Science Officer. We need to understand why, Mr. Tucker, you were unaffected. Now, were you exposed to any unusual chemical or biological agents while you were on Columbia? Anything out of the ordinary?” 

“Not that I know of.” Before letting Phlox go on a scientific wild goose chase, both Commanders knew they’d have to bring him into their confidence. Trip looked at T’Pol, “Are you going to tell him, or am I? You’re gonna to have to do most of the explaining anyway.” 

T’Pol looked momentarily uncomfortable, and then began, “Doctor, can we count on your discretion? This is a rather…private…matter.” 

Phlox gave her a look of concern, “As always. Whatever you may have to tell me will be held in strictest confidence.”

The Commanders exchanged a look, and Trip said, “well, get on with it.” 

T’Pol began, “there is a long-held belief that when a Vulcan mates, a shared psychic bond can be created. It is similar to the mind meld you’re familiar with, but is not as invasive. My understanding is that feelings, thoughts, even images can be shared.” 

Phlox responded, “how interesting. However, I don’t recall anything on this in the Vulcan medical database.” 

“No, the topic would not be included. It is considered, to be personal between,” T’Pol stopped, not sure what term exactly described her relationship with Trip. She simply continued, “we appear to have a functional mating bond.” 

Phlox looked intrigued, but not surprised. “I assume that this mating bond is associated with a sexual encounter?” 

“Yes,” T’Pol answered quietly. 

“May I ask when this occurred?” 

“It started about a year ago, in the Expanse,” Trip said with resignation. 

“And these encounters have continued since that time?” 

“Intermittently,” T’Pol stated.

“An are there thoughts or images that you both have experienced?” 

“Yes. Unintentionally shared meditation, some strong emotions, and thoughts that were not verbalized,” T’Pol cataloged. 

“Now that would be rather disconcerting for both of you, I would imagine. Although, knowing what one’s significant other was thinking could be a real blessing at times,” the doctor seemed to be waxing nostalgic for something, or someone. He came back from his reverie and continued, “It is remarkable that this bond is between two different species of humanoid. How long have these shared thoughts been occurring? Since the Expanse?” 

“No, since my recent return from Vulcan.” She continued, “since I was healed of the Pa’naar syndrome.” She paused, “Mr. Tucker is aware of my previous condition, doctor.” 

“I would theorize that once you were healed, development of the bond must have activated, as you yourself have no doubt also concluded,” he said nodding to T’Pol. Phlox continued, “Have either of you noticed any other physiological changes? Anything else that might be a product of this bond?” 

After a moment, T’Pol said, “the smell.” 

Trip looked offended, “hey, I showered this morning,” and nearly said out loud, ‘remember?’ 

“I mean I no longer am sensitive to the odor of humans. It is no longer offensive. However, I cannot say the same of canines.” 

“Hmmm,” Phlox said contemplating. “I’ll have to re-examine the pheromone data in light of this information. But it does appear that you both have experienced some physiological changes, along with the psychic ones. Commander Tucker, it may well be that you have been physiologically rendered immune to pheromones from a female other than your, mate, if you’ll pardon the term, Commander T’Pol. And the olfactory desensitization. Very interesting adaptations, highly pragmatic, actually. Would you mind if I did some additional scans? On both of you?” 

“If you must, Doctor,” T’Pol agreed, as Phlox began to make adjustments to the console. 

“Your, condition, does put a different light on one of my findings. While I was analyzing scans I’d made of you, Mr. Tucker, I noticed something unusual. What is your current age Commander?” 

“I’m 34, but you’ve got that in your records, doc.” 

“Yes, and I’ve had the opportunity to do a micro-cellular scan on you on more than one occasion, when you’ve been my guest here in sickbay. As I’ve been reviewing this data in my investigation, I found something atypical in your telomeres. You know that the length of telomeres at the end of chromosomes gradually decrease during one’s lifetime, making it a way to determine approximate age.” 

“Yes, that’s how you proved that T’Pau was not the embassy bomber,” Trip said.

Phlox continued, “when I compare the telomeres in your scans taken just a few days ago, versus those taken three years ago, the rate of change is not consistent with your chronological age. The rate of change appears to have slowed.” 

“Wait, doc, are you telling me I’m not getting older?” Trip said with disbelief.

“Not exactly. You are continuing to age, but not at the rate you previously were. It’s not clear to what degree your aging has slowed, only that it has. Your cells are dividing at a normal rate, the telomerase is being expressed at a higher level, maintaining telomere length. I can see no other genetic changes or modifications in you. I would extrapolate that you are now likely to have a longer lifespan than you would have otherwise, prior to this mating bond.” He paused a long moment, “I would view it as a gift.” 

“Anything else I should look for….my ears aren’t going to change or anything?” 

T’Pol raised an eyebrow, and said, “that would not be such an undesirable outcome, would it?” 

Trip replied, “I like my ears just fine the way they are,” and mentally projected, ‘and you seem to like them just fine too.’

Phlox intervened, “no, no, I wouldn’t be concerned about such things. Remodeling of differentiated tissues is highly unlikely. More likely other biochemical, or neurological adaptations could occur, in either of you. I can’t say with certainty though, we are in uncharted waters.” 

For not the first time in a very few days, both looked stunned. T’Pol’s expression was still far more subdued than Trip’s.

“I would like to monitor your medical conditions though, come in and do some scans every month or so, and be sure to report any significant changes in your conditions. At this time, you are both in extremely good health, and in the prime of life. And, I daresay, in the midst of a blossoming relationship? Good for you, I’m very pleased for you both. It is about time.” Phlox punctuated his words with a broad grin.


	6. Chapter 6

Trip and T’Pol were working through some anomalous readings that had been collected in routine diagnostics in the lateral sensor array. The sensor array was not able to accurately scan for elemental composition; however, the array was showing alignment well within specifications. The problem was not a critical one, but it did give Enterprise a blind spot. The sensors were randomly reading solid particulates as having gaseous elemental compositions. 

They were in Engineering, working in front of a large systems display, and they had hit a roadblock. “This just doesn’t make any kind of sense,” Trip said, tapping on a PADD. “There’s been no change in the systems, we haven’t encountered any kind of anomalies, we haven’t so much as hit a pot hole,” he pointedly looked at T’Pol, “metaphorically speaking, of course.” 

This drew a raised eyebrow from T’Pol, “nevertheless, the readings are not accurate. Our test scans are reading the presence of argon gas when the optical sensors are showing solid particulates. Argon would be reasonable in the debris of an exploded star, but that is not consistent with our other readings.” Trip now furrowed his brow. He was beginning to get irritated with the situation; not having an answer to the problem, and the odd smugness he swore he was feeling from T’Pol. They had been researching this problem for hours now. 

“Look, you’ve had a lot of theories, but none of them really all that helpful,” he said venting some of that irritation.

“My theories are sound,” she replied firmly.

“I may not have the years of study at the Vulcan Science Academy that you do, but this happens to be one system I know one hell of a lot about. Do ya’ know who designed the sub-processor for this sensor array, by the way?”

“No,” she replied. 

“I did,” he said pausing, and observing her raising her eyebrow in her subdued way of expressing surprise. “Sub-processor four of the elemental analysis sensors uses a variation on atomic absorption spectroscopy that allows for long-range excitation and detection of the target sample. It’s also very compact, and usually, very easy to maintain.” 

“I was not aware,” T’Pol continued, “when did you do this?” 

“Before I joined Starfleet. I was finishing up my undergrad engineering, one of my professors got me to apply for a research grant, which happened to be with Starfleet, working on sensor array design. I’d been working on something similar on my own, so it seemed like a good fit. That’s how I met Capitan Jeffries. Somebody must have given him the project report, and he wanted to meet me. He came down to Florida even.” 

“To recruit you?” 

“Yup. My parents were not too enthusiastic about Starfleet. They wanted me to go to grad school at either MIT or Caltech. They came to talk with me too. But, Captain Jeffries, he’s a persuasive guy. And the rest, they say, is history.”

“Trip, how old were you when you did this?” She had read his service record and something wasn’t adding up. 

“Oh, I was about 17, 18 by the time I joined up. I, ah, had an unconventional secondary education. My parents wanted me to have the experience of going to a regular school, so I went and did some of the courses, the humanities and history sort of thing. But, I was doing the science and engineering remotely at both MIT and Caltech. I was done with high school level by the time I was about 13 or so, and then was doing intro grad level work by the time I finished. Irony is, I never came out with an official degree from any of those schools, besides my high school. Didn’t seem important at the time.”

“That is impressive,” she said sincerely. “And your lack of finite credentials does not appear to have hampered your career.” Unable to resist she continued, “You do keep the engines, well maintained,” with emphasis on the last word. 

“Maintained? I’m not a…sanitation...engineer,” he replied indignantly, playing into the age-old scientist/engineer rivalry. 

She drew her well-manicured index finger across the underside of the view screen, appeared to examine some sort of residue, and said, quite calmly, “you missed a spot.” Trip was getting teed off at her now, and he had the thought that he should turn her over his knee and…. he heard her say with in a maddeningly even tone, “spank me?” 

“Might do you some good,” he said out loud. Too loud. Trip saw a whisper of a smile on T’Pol’s face. “and you’d probably like it, wouldn’t you?” He’d been had. Trip had never encountered a woman who could truly match wits with him, and T’Pol enjoyed the challenge of this battle. The emotional responses that they sensed through the bond added something new to the sparing they’d grown accustomed to over time. 

The tension from the lack of progress on the anomalous elemental sensor broken, Trip laughed softly, and leaned over the console to whisper to her, “you got me, Darlin’. Watch out though, I owe you one,” and winked. He straightened and said much more audibly, “all right now, let’s get back to work and solve this.”


	7. Chapter 7

Trip came through the door to T’Pol’s quarters and crossed the room to where she stood. He bent to kiss her, drawing her in tight against him with one arm, while keeping the other behind his back. “Good evenin’, Darlin’. I brought you something,” he said revealing the container. “Raspberries,” ever try them?” 

“No,” she said taking the container from him, taking a deep inhalation as she opened it. “Quite complex,” she said as she took one and brought it to her lips. 

“Chef wanted some adjustments on his stasis units. I figured if I took care of it personally, I might be able to talk him out of something in his secret stash. You like?” 

She nodded, helping herself to another, “very much.”

He made himself comfortable and sat on the cushions on the floor, wondering for a moment when he’d gotten comfortable sitting on the floor like this. She joined him, sharing the fruit with him. He noticed her copy of the Kir’Shara on the low table, opened as though she’d been reading. He hadn’t seen her with that book, or even seen it visible in her quarters, since before he’d left Enterprise. “Been doing some readin’? Anything interesting?” Given how obsessive she’d been about these teachings of Sarak, he had mixed feelings about the reappearance of this book. 

“It is all of interest to me. As of late, I have realized that some of it may be of interest to you as well.” 

“Ok, like what?” he asked, not sure if he really wanted to know. 

“It would take years of study to master the teachings of Sarak, not all of them are even translated yet. However, the basic principles are surprisingly simple, and have been a great resource and comfort to me.” She picked up the book and pointed to a passage on the open page. “This describes the Kol-Ut-Shan. It roughly translates as ‘infinite diversity in infinite combinations’, and this is one of the most important aspects of the teachings of Sarak.” 

“T’Pol, forgive me here, but in my experience, Vulcans do not come across as embracing any kind of diversity, or a whole lot of acceptance of other cultures, at least. Present company excluded, of course.”

“I know, and this is at the heart of the changes, the great upheaval that Vulcan has experienced. Some are calling it the Vulcan Reformation. It is a change that I have experienced as well.” She continued, “Sarak’s original teaching was intended to control dangerous emotional excess, but to do so from a place of peace and of understanding. Learning to respond appropriately to the inevitable emotion, but not to be drawn in and down into instinctive reaction. Ultimately, a safe and balanced exploration of emotion can be undertaken. My emotions have always been closer to the surface, and I have worked very hard to manage them. With this approach, I have been able to experience emotion, and keep the excesses in check, with good success.” She paused and refocused, “for the first time, I perceive myself as Vulcan, not just living as a Vulcan.” Her eyes shone with an earnestness and sincerity. 

Trip realized that this was very important to her. “Hmm. I can see that in you actually. You’re different than before you went into The Forge. Your voice, and your eyes, are much more expressive. I’m not sure if anyone else would notice besides me,” he said, not wanting her to be concerned she’d come across as anything other than Vulcan. “Although, your sense of humor is getting noticed, and that’s new.”

“That is not so much new, as it is I’m willing to share it,” she replied with a flash of humor in her eyes, “But I take all of that as a great compliment, this kind of change takes effort and discipline of thought. This is what I was so focused on after returning from Vulcan.” She shifted her position, straightening her posture, “when one is in this state of emotional equilibrium, the message of Kol-Ut-Shan can be accepted fully. That message is to recognize that individuals are unique, and by definition different from each other. These differences are to be embraced and accepted. And even more important is that together as one people, we may become greater than our individual contributions.”

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts,” Trip quoted, “Aristotle. A really ancient Earth philosopher. Actually, about as ancient as Sarak, maybe a little more. Dang.” He was repeatedly being surprised at how much two different species could have in common, despite what appeared to be significant differences. 

T’Pol was a bit taken aback, “I had not heard that before.” 

“Surprised? Humans have a long history of philosophical thought. I’m no expert, but one thing I have learned is that every culture has something to offer.” Trip flashed back and realized that it was his mom who had tried to impress that on him, when she was talking about her work at the college. He didn’t realize how it had stuck. Mentally changing topic, he said, “Ok, you wanted to work on meditation tonight, still want to?” 

T’Pol had continued her practice of daily meditation, even though she and Trip had not spent an evening apart since he’d returned to Enterprise. They alternated spending the night between her quarters and his. She had even moved a few items to his, including a meditation candle and a set of cushions. She did not need as much sleep as humans, so it had become her practice to wait until he fell asleep, and then leave their bed to meditate. Once done, she would return and sleep herself. On occasion, he had woken and just watched her for a time. Her perfect posture, the outward calm and controlled breathing. He found it almost hypnotic just watching. 

“Yes, I think I need it,” T’Pol answered. She had him sit cross-legged directly across from her, and she lit a candle in between them to be used as a focal point. T’Pol began guiding him through the process. “Align your body, posture should be straight, but balanced and comfortable.” This posture was similar to those in neuro-pressure, so Trip found this part simple.

“Breathe, in through your nose, out through your mouth, slowly, be conscious of the breath. In...out... Feel your body relaxing, and tension leaving with each exhalation.” 

“Quiet your mind,” she continued. “As thoughts intrude, do not engage them, recognize them and leave them for another time. Envision yourself in a serene, calming place.” She was now in her white space and feeling the calming and centering she needed. Trip was not in her space with her, he preferred to go to the beach, sitting on the sand, looking out at the water. One of the points of this exercise, they had agreed, was that they would not intrude on each other here. It didn’t always work, but they were getting better at maintaining this point of privacy. 

After about 30 minutes, T’Pol began to bring them back saying,” You are now ready to return, feeling the breath….inhale....exhale.” She could hear him breathing. “Stretch your body as you need to, leaving your eyes closed. Feel the deck beneath you and your connection to it.” This was adaptation of standard verbiage, as there was no ground to connect with. However, Trip’s very real connection to Enterprise was not lost on her. “When you are ready, open your eyes.” 

She opened her eyes, feeling very centered and balanced. He also opened his eyes and locked with hers. “How do you feel?” 

“Really good. No trouble keeping to myself this time. But I could ‘see’ your space off in the distance. Felt like I could have gone there if I wanted to.” She was very pleased, he was making great progress. 

“And I can ‘see’ yours as well.” 

“So, we’re getting somewhere?” 

“Yes, I believe we are.” Perhaps we can try a different meditation, and this time purposefully be in the same space?” 

“Ok, if you want to try that.” Trip wasn’t sure if he wanted to sit and stare at her in his mind. Intimate as that may be, he’d rather move to another sort of intimacy. T’Pol stood and efficiently took off the coral silky pajamas she’d been wearing. “I thought you wanted to meditate…?” 

“I do, but this posture requires a certain closeness. Now you.” He still didn’t understand, but figured this was going in a direction he was bound to approve of. He stood and stripped down. She indicated the mats, “resume the posture you were in.” 

“Ok, he said as he sat cross-legged on the floor again. “You want to meditate naked?” 

“Yes, in part.” She stepped over to him and lowered herself onto his lap, moving to wrap her legs around him. “Like this. She kissed him and began to stroke his back, “but with perhaps more connection...” She reached down and firmly took him in her hand. His body was a few minutes ahead of his brain on this one, and his erection grew very quickly. She gently slid herself onto him. 

“And you want me to breathe now…?” 

“Yes, the same as before.” He felt her move slightly. He shifted his body in a similar way and she said, “very slowly, so we can concentrate. Close your eyes.” 

In a few moments, he found himself back on the beach, but now he was naked and on a large blanket, and T’Pol was there on the blanket, also naked. She was lying on her stomach, head resting on her hands, waving her feet in the air. She smiled at him, and she was intoxicating here with the sun and the ocean breeze. Her skin glistened like she was coated in coconut oil. Trip thought she even smelled like coconut oil. From this angle, he could admire her backside, and her dimples of Venus. 

“Wow, this is probably the best meditation I’ve ever done.” He reached out to her, bringing her into his arms and kissing her. It felt every bit as real as in the physical world. They made love, with abandon. As they both climaxed in the meditation, their physical bodies did the same. When they finished, their breathing slowed, and they found themselves holding each other on the floor of her quarters, in the same position they had started out with. They unwrapped from each other and collapsed. From his spot on the floor, Trip asked, “that’s not in your book, is it?” 

T’Pol replied, “No, that was something I extrapolated.” 

“You made that up?” 

“Essentially.” 

“You are brilliant. And I’m exhausted. Can we sleep now, or have you got something else in store for me?” 

“That will do quite nicely,” she said, “I believe we will both sleep well.”


	8. Chapter 8

Trip was in Engineering trying to get some work done. At least it was something relatively straightforward; review of system diagnostics and maintenance logs. The reality of his situation had gradually been sinking in. Some of it had hit him right as soon as T’Pol had told him that ‘mated’ Vulcans could develop a psychic bond. But as these weeks had gone on, since he’d been back on Enterprise, since his Captain had given him an order to make things work with T’Pol, one way or another, since he now knew what was behind his daydreams, preoccupations, and feelings that may or may not be his, he was feeling the full weight of it. Then there was what Phlox had discovered, which did not lighten the load. 

During a follow up scan earlier that day, the doctor had shown Trip a comparison of brain scans done when he’d first come on board Enterprise, scans from a year ago, and then the scans he’d just done. There were some changes that were attributed to stress, and some injuries he’d sustained. However, there were detectable alterations in brain activity pattern and levels. Certain areas of his brain were much more active now, and these patterns were not those typically seen in humans. Phlox was not concerned, but did want to continue to monitor him.

This bond was turning out to be a very big deal. Trip wished he’d never made that off the cuff remark to T’Pol, trying to diffuse the emotional intensity of that moment when she asked him, begged him really, to come back to Enterprise. He was very glad he’d made that decision, and this time with T’Pol had been the best they’d ever had together. 

The meditation and concentration techniques that T’Pol had been teaching him helped to give him some time when his thoughts could remain quiet and his alone, which had been helpful. However, setting boundaries was proving to be difficult. They were getting much better at staying out of or going into each other’s meditation space. It had been very important to T’Pol to have privacy in this space for her meditation. She was not as good at keeping her everyday thoughts to herself. When they were together, she often would ‘answer’ him psychically. When they were not together, Trip was finding her thoughts invading his mind, and it could be a real distraction. 

Earlier that day he’d been in the mess hall having a late lunch, when Malcolm had arrived and joined him. 

“Dieting, are we?” his friend asked.

“Huh? No. What, do look like I’ve put on weight or something?” he replied.

“Salad?” Malcolm said, indicating Trip’s meal. Trip looked down, and realized he was indeed having a salad for lunch, and knew it hadn’t been his idea. 

His exasperated expression did not match his comment, “not sure where my head is today.” He got up to get something more substantial, and not vegetarian to eat.

He returned to the table with a roast beef sandwich, and dug in with enthusiasm. Malcolm noted, “that’s more your thing. I won’t tell your vegetarian girlfriend though.” Trip gave him a withering look, and was about to go into a round of denials, when he changed his mind. 

“Thanks. Not that she minds. So, Malcolm, does everybody know?” 

Malcolm was a little surprised at how forthcoming Trip was being on the matter and replied, “I wouldn’t say that. Most people know that you two have been on and off for a long time. Those who know you well figured that you were back on when you transferred back from Columbia.” 

“I guess that only makes sense,” Trip continued with his lunch.

“So, tell me, how is it going? Honestly, what’s different this time that made you want to go down this road again? I remember when you got back from Vulcan, when she got married. I’m not sure my liver could take a repeat of that.” Malcolm was thinking about more than a few occasions when he and Trip had gotten extremely drunk, Trip trying to purge T’Pol out of his system, and Malcolm had kept him company, and getting drunk under the table. 

“Wow, that’s a damn good question, Mal,” he looked thoughtful, “and I remember, sort of anyway,” he said with a grin. His friend was right, and deserved some kind of answer. Trip didn’t think it wise to disclose the bond, that was something that was far too personal. He did have a reasonable explanation he could give though. “Believe it or not, it was all that studying she did on the Kir’Shara. The Vulcans are really having a lot of their beliefs challenged, mostly in how they deal with their emotions. It’s got a lot of them pretty shook up. But, for T’Pol, that book gave her a way to manage her emotions that works for her, way better than what she was born and raised doing. So, now, she’s in a much better place to actually be with someone. Does that make sense?”

“I suppose it does, and for your sake I hope that’s all very true, and this works out splendidly,” he said, hoping Trip wasn’t making a mistake. ‘Fool me once,’ he thought. 

“I think it will this time,” Trip replied with a smile, but there were doubts, he had to admit that to himself, if to no one else.


	9. Chapter 9

T’Pol was going to meet him in his quarters this evening. The plan was neuro-pressure, conversation, and very likely a romantic encounter. Neuro-pressure had become even better than it had been, now that naked neuro-pressure was possible. T’Pol had also showed him a few additional variations on the postures she’d originally taught him, with additional points on parts of the body that would have been off limits for those not physically intimate with each other. There were these great points on the very lower back and hip that really took the edge off, and he was looking forward to it. The rest of the day, he was able to maintain the focus he needed to keep his thoughts his own.

By the time he had changed and she arrived at his quarters, his unease from earlier in the day was still with him. Trip kissed T’Pol hello and held her for a bit, and that was good. The physical was always good, and he felt himself relaxing. She had him lay face down on the mats and began to work on his back. They were not at the completely naked portion of the treatment yet. “You seem very tense,” she asked. “Something is bothering you.” She wasn’t asking, she was stating fact. 

“I think it’s what Phlox told us last week. And then today he tells me my brain scans are altered. Not in a way that’s a problem, but I have intense brain activity in spots where it’s not normal for a human to have activity,” he replied. “I’m guessing that’s the bond at work.” 

She stopped her therapeutic touch and lay her hands gently on his back and said, “why don’t we pause this, and talk about it.” She was doing an admirable job of being the supportive mate, and for some reason, he found this irritating. He was apparently in a mood to have a disagreement.

Trip sat up and took a deep breath. He rubbed his cheek, a definitive tell that he wanted to say something that he found difficult. Better they get all of this out than keep playing games, he thought. “T’Pol, this has been a lot on me here. This bond, I didn’t really have a choice in this, did I? Yes, I was, and have been, a willing participant, but I had no idea what might happen. You did. You knew that this kind of psychic bond existed, and for you, it was a real possibility. It’s almost like...human women dreaming of prince charming or something.” 

She started, “I have not...”

“Oh, don’t deny that one, remember,” he said as he tapped his temple. “It was something you always hoped for. Ya know, your mind is really ‘open’ after sex. I’ve learned a whole lot about you that way.” She did not look pleased, evidently not aware she’d been broadcasting that kind of information. 

“You are not Vulcan. It should not have been possible. If I had known, I would have told you,” T’Pol said. 

“But here we are. Now, intimacy is one thing, but this is way out of bounds for Humans. I feel like I’ve lost my privacy.” He stopped and refocused. “I had salad for lunch today, and I know that was not my idea,” he looked disapprovingly at her. 

“There are many advantages to a vegetarian diet,” she began, looking disquieted. 

“Oh come on, that’s not the point. The point is, you made a suggestion, or however you want to call it, and I just went along with it, like I didn’t have a choice. Now, I absolutely want to share with the person I care about, but there have got to be limits.”

“I apologize for earlier, I made a ‘suggestion’ I should not have,” T’Pol said looking neutral. “I was not respecting your boundaries.” 

“What you have to understand about emotions, T’Pol, is that other people have them.” His voice was raised and angry. “And right now, mine are all over the place, and I don’t think it’s all my own doin’.” That wasn’t the last of what was on his mind, and he continued, “even my body’s changed, for god’s sake, right down to my cells, and Phlox doesn't know what kinds of changes might be coming next. I find out that I might live longer than I thought possible, and that’s amazing...but now I have to think about living longer than my family, my friends. Not one of these things I ever thought about happening, and sometimes I’m just not sure how I feel about it.”

Trip continued, “I know that I cared about you before we ever were together, and this bond got started. But I have moments where I wonder if this is real or not.” She sensed fear in that statement. The truth was he’d had similar concerns in each of the three serious relationships he’d had, and he wondered if this concern was justified now or had nothing to do with T’Pol. T’Pol had sensed this as well. As easy as it would have been for her to point out his insecurity, and that the common denominator in these relationships was not the legitimacy of the emotions of the participants. It was his insecurity. She knew that if she did point it out now, she would be crossing a line and would likely regret it. The question was ultimately for him to resolve.

T’Pol could feel his frustration and anger through the bond. He was open enough for her to get that clearly. She felt her own displeasure at his lack of control, which she believed was a source of ongoing conflict. His emotions were constantly bleeding back into her mind, whether he knew it or not, distracting and preoccupying her. He also didn’t realize how open his mind could be, and how much she’d been learning about him. 

She had her own concerns, hoping that they could make the day to day truly work. They loved each other, intensely and passionately, but understanding the workings of this bond was testing this new relationship. “I have had changes as well,” she said remaining outwardly calm, but with concern in her eyes. “Having another’s thoughts in my mind, has been very disconcerting. I didn’t anticipate how much.” She had thought that Tolaris’ forced attempt at a mind meld, and the resulting trauma and damage had all been healed by T’Pau. This was mostly true, but she had a residual sensitivity to mental contact she did not initiate.

She exercised some control and opted to use some logic. She remembered advice he’d once given her. “As you once said to me, the question is, what do you want? What is it that you have always wanted?” She looked at him with great serenity, and a compassionate understanding. He had to get this out, before it turned.

He’d been working up a good temper, and felt it deflate. He thought, damn, he had given her that bit of advice. Ironically, it was that advice that had made her break off her engagement to Koss. He considered for a moment and said, “I wanted to learn, to fix things, build things, and to explore. See new worlds. That’s what I wanted to do with my life.” 

“And, do you have this now?” she asked in that same even, gentle tone.

He snorted, “and then some.”

“And what did you want from a romantic relationship? Did you ever consider that question?” 

He thought about it for a moment, and yes, this was something he had thought about from time to time over the years since he’d been in relationships, been dating, been getting laid. “I suppose so, from time to time.” He paused, collected his thoughts, and decided to answer. “Well, she’d have to be smart, be able to match wits with me, share some common interests, have dedication to something, and of course, beautiful. I never expected things to always go smoothly, but I thought that what worked would outweigh what didn’t.” 

She sat close to him and asked, “and do I meet these criteria?” her pulse quickening.

“Yes, you do,” he answered honestly, “and,” he stopped looking directly into her eyes, “if I’m being honest, what works is more than what doesn’t.” She was very pleased, and more than a bit relieved to hear this. 

T’Pol ventured a gamble, but this question she now needed an answer to, “If you could undo this bond, would you?” 

Trip was a bit taken aback. “I hadn’t thought about it. It that even possible?” 

“From what I know, it can be done by a Vulcan priest. However, it is extremely rare and not considered a routine process.” 

Trip considered her question. “I’m gonna say no.” T’Pol was relieved, and Trip could sense that clearly through the bond. “I can’t say I don’t have concerns, but that doesn’t seem right for us. I’d really like to give this a fair shot.” 

T’Pol felt motivated to share one of the most personal details about herself that she could. “When I asked you for advice once, and you posed that question, ‘what did I want’, I never gave you the answer. What I have always desired, is to love beyond sense, reason, or logic.” T’Pol looked at Trip with great intensity. This has always been in conflict with my emotions, and all that I believed to be Vulcan.” Trip had sensed this through the bond during some very intimate moments, and it hadn’t made sense to him at the time. Now he was beginning to understand the internal conflict she’d been struggling with. 

“And does this relationship,” she said gesturing to the two of them, “logically speaking, make sense?” 

“No, that it does not,” he replied with a grin. 

T’Pol smiled. There was no need to say anything more.


	10. Chapter 10

They were two days out from Earth when Captain Archer asked Trip to watch a game with him. He’d gotten a copy of the Super bowl from 2016, one of the best ever played. The two hadn’t spent time like this since Trip had returned from Columbia. Trip was glad for the opportunity to spend some time with his oldest friend. He’d missed that while he was away, and even before he’d left Enterprise. He had never confided in Jon what was tearing him apart, how being so near to the woman he was in love with but more distant than they’d ever been was just more than he could take. 

They met in the Captain’s mess, and the steward had set out cold beer for them. They watched the game, both had seen it before, but enjoyed it all the same. They made small talk throughout, catching up on respective news from home. Conversation then turned to the interplanetary conference. 

At one point Archer said, “When we started out in the NX-01 program, did you ever think this was where we were going to wind up? I just couldn’t even imagine,” Archer said wistfully. 

“Yeah, amazin’. Hey, did I tell you I saw Captain Jeffries when I was working on Columbia in space dock? He’s an Admiral now, and doesn’t like it much. He seems to do anything he can to get back onto the ships and get his hands dirty. Ya’ know they’re officially calling the access tubes he designed between the decks Jeffries tubes now? He seemed to get a kick out of that. But, I couldn’t tell him that they’re a major makeout spot on the ship.” He laughed, “honestly, I’m thinking about adding motion sensors and an ‘Occupied’ sign on the access doors.” He continued, “Jeffries was the best boss I had, present company excepted. I learned a lot from that man.” 

“He’s why you didn’t get busted to Ensign for helping me and A.G.,” Archer shook his head, missing his friend and rival. Coming out of his reverie he said, “the Vulcans, they underestimated us, tried to keep us a short leash, and gave us no recognition of what we could do, or what we were trying to do.” 

Trip offered, “Soval turned out to be a pretty ok guy. I hated his guts at first though. He came across as a total prick.”

“I thought the same thing. Then to have this human crew, and you and me in particular, Trip, save not only earth, but Vulcan from the sphere builders, and then go on to prevent war with the Andorians must have been hard to swallow. But he seemed to sincerely appreciate what we did.” 

“Shran, another pretty good guy.” Trip added, “and you Jon, bringing Surak back to the Vulcans. I never got to ask you, what was that like? Having all those thoughts that weren’t yours?” Trip’s expression said it was more than mere curiosity behind his question. 

“Not something I want to repeat. Surak had a long life, and a lot he’d seen and done, and important insights too. It wasn’t like I was taken over by it, but there were these thoughts and images that I sensed that I knew weren’t mine. Very strange.” 

Trip nodded, “yeah, I can imagine.”

“It’s not like I have a complete set of his memories or knowledge, but there are some things I did get, some things that have stuck with me. It’s been like learning about who the Vulcans really are, not the image they’ve been projecting. So, I have a very different perspective on Vulcans now. And I’m not sure how they’re going to take it either. I’m hoping they’ll be open and respectful of that knowledge.” 

“Calling this conference says maybe they are. Seems like they’re going through a lot of change.” Tip was thinking of T’Pol and her new approaches to managing emotions.

Archer said, “and you have your own new, unique, perspective on Vulcans, if I’m correct?” looking sidelong at Trip.

Trip answered, “I suppose you could say that”, not looking him in the eye either. 

“Look, I need to ask, are things ok with you and T’Pol? From what I’ve seen the past few weeks, you seem good. You both seem much more at ease than before you left.” 

“Yeah, I think we’re good. We might be making this work. Jon, I should apologize for not telling you why I wanted that transfer. The way things were going, the way she was shutting me out, I thought I just couldn’t be on the same ship with her. We had a serious failure to communicate you might say. She’s incredibly stubborn.”

Archer laughed, nearly spit out his beer, “and you’re not? Not opinionated? Not so sure of your ideals, and how things should be?” 

From anyone else he would have denied it, but this man knew him too well. “Ok, that’s probably true. I do owe you one though. She changed, from what she went through in The Forge, for the good I think.” 

“A Vulcan who can change, who would have thought?” Both laughed again. 

“I do have to tell you something though, Cap’n, Jon, about me and T’Pol.” He looked over at Archer. “You know that we’ve been, involved, for a while. And it’s been complicated.” 

“But you seem to have sorted things out? 

“I think so. We can really be good together, when we don’t let ourselves get in the way, when we can actually talk to each other.” He paused, “how much do you know from Surak about Vulcan mating bonds?”

Archer looked surprised, and then closed his eyes for a moment. “Not a great deal, but I’ve got a strong impression, that Surak had a psychic bond with his, wife? Something like that.”

“Yeah, something a lot like that. The way I understand it is that Vulcans don’t have a lot of sex before they’re married. If they do, they avoid making any emotional connection. So, when they do get married, it’s possible that they form a real connection, a psychic bond. They can share thoughts, memories, feelings, and even images. It doesn’t happen all the time, and it sounds like most couples don’t, or not until they’ve been together for a really long time.” 

“That sounds like what I got from Surak. So, what does this have to do with you and T’Pol?” 

Trip colored, “well, apparently, we’re bonded.” 

“Really? And how did this happen?” 

“Well, like I told you….” Trip looked uncertain if he should continue.

Archer interrupted, “you had sex? I got that part.”

“Yeah, well, there was more to it. We connected emotionally. We kind of had a thing for each other for a long time before it, got physical. T’Pol didn’t think a bond was possible with a human, otherwise, she would have told me about it sooner. But, the thing is, this bond didn’t really start up until after the mind meld she had in The Forge. You know about that right? 

“Yes.” Archer was a bit stunned. “Is she aware you’re sharing all of this?”

“We figured we had to let you know, and I thought it might be better coming from me.” 

“From Surak’s memories, this bond is something that is only supposed to happen with one’s spouse.” 

“Yeah. So, we don’t know how the Vulcans would feel about the situation.” 

“I suspect a bond before marriage has happened before, and has been remedied with a ceremony. Most cultures seem to have something like that. But, you’re not Vulcan. That’s what would be a real shock to their culture, and I’m not sure they need that just now,” Archer said thinking of the conference. 

“We think so too, so we’re not going to tell them anything. It’s going to stay just between T’Pol and me, now you know, and Phlox.” 

“Phlox?” Archer asked.

“That’s the other part.” Trip told the Captain about their theory on his immunity to the Orion’s pheromones, and the rest of the changes in both him and T’Pol.

“This is pretty serious, Trip.”

“I know, but this shouldn’t change how either T’Pol or I do our jobs. We might even be better at some things. When I came back, unless I misunderstood, you pretty much pushed us to get involved again.” 

“I think that ship had long sailed, Trip. If the rumor mill is in any way correct, you two got ‘involved’ back in the Expanse.” 

“Well, that’s about right. But…”

“Normally I’d have my First Officer supply me with ship’s gossip, just to keep tabs on things, but T’Pol has never had a real knack for it. So, I have my communications officer keep me informed.”

“Hoshi.” 

Archer nodded. “So, it seems you two are not as clever as you thought you were.” Trip looked embarrassed. “Ok, I’m not giving you a hard time about getting into a relationship. You two really do seem better with each other than apart. T’Pol seems, happy, and that’s saying a lot for a Vulcan. So do you. But, the two of you are going to present some diplomatic issues, for starters. I’m alright with keeping this confidence. But, like I said, you are going to have to keep me in the loop if anything changes.” 

“We’re ok with that.” 

“You didn’t just do some telepathy thing with her, did you?” 

“Sort of. She gets the gist of the conversation from my mood, and I’m not trying to keep that private now.” 

“How are you dealing with having someone know what’s in your mind all the time?”

“Well, it’s not quite like that. We’ve both been working on how to keep some privacy. T’Pol’s been teaching me some meditation techniques. Some go along with the neuro-pressure actually.” 

Archer laughed again. “Would you believe that we would have these kinds of relationships with the Vulcans four years ago?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

They watched the game finish. “Well, Cap’n, thanks for the game. Enjoyed it.” 

“Thanks for watching it with me Trip. Have to do it more often.” 

“Well, I gotta go. I should let T’Pol know the details of our conversation here.” 

“Sure. Trip, one thing I can’t help asking. Every seven years? That’s not true is it?”

“Not even close,” he said with a grin. “But that’s all I’m sayin’.” 

Archer knew that answer, but couldn’t resist. “Good night then, both of you.” 

Trip left the Captain's mess, and Archer reflected on this news about his Science Officer and his Chief Engineer, T’Pol and Trip. He was glad they had found each other and some happiness, but he couldn’t shake a feeling of concern. They would be in all likelihood, the first Human and Vulcan couple, certainly the first with a mating bond, and firsts like that were not easy for any culture to adapt to. His friends certainly had bought themselves a challenge, and he hoped they would be up to it.

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: 
> 
> I was unsure of the time that was required to get back to Earth prior to ‘Demons’, but it seemed a few weeks was reasonable, and for the purpose of this story, Trip and T’Pol needed some time to try to establish a relationship again. There are a number of concerns that each has that don’t get resolved here, and I believe that’s appropriate. From ‘Demons’, we can see that there are doubts, and that some difficulties with communication and trust exist. 
> 
> There are many perspectives on Vulcan philosophy, and the true teachings of Sarak. I give my interpretation here, while fully acknowledging that I may be quite incorrect.
> 
> As many fans, I did not like some of the characterization of Trip in TATV, and wanted to fill in some details of his back story in a way that would be truer to the character. Some elements are also set up for the next chapter of the story.


End file.
